She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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