I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
