My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
