It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
