Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
