I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
