there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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