The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No subtext here. People are naked.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
