??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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