The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
