You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
