Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
