oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
