The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
