he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
