remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Alive.
So much puke
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
