babies were throwing up all over the place
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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