chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize