I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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