I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
