I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is the high leading the old right now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
