That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
