I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize