I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
