and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
