I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
