That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
