You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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