So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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