and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
