I'm lost and stupid without you.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize