Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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