Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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