I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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