Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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