You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
