Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
