happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
