Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
