you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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