I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
