Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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