Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
