That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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