she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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