Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize