Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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