Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
