so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
