I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
