haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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