Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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