the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
