party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
