you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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