the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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