dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
