even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
