And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
