Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
