she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
