Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
