everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
