bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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