You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
