I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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