Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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