bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
