shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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