so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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