my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm at about main and main street
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
