No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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